Born to Breed: An Interview With Quiverfull Walkaway ...
Quoting Quiverfull: Defrauding Your (Future) Spouse ...
Quiver Full Movers Better Business Bureau® Profile
Due to her “lifestyle choice” of having a longtime female partner, the Duggars were unwilling to dip into their reported $3.5 million in order to help. Interesting, considering what 1 John 3 ... The growing Quiverfull family movement also requires that Christian men step up and become leaders of their household. Only a strong Christian man can head a Quiverfull home and provide for his wife and children. It is the man’s role to ensure that his family is acceptable to Christ and a family’s value start with the father. The Quiverfull movement — which eschews birth control and promotes rapid procreation — is a bastion of sexual abuse, as illustrated by ‘s revelations about Josh Duggar’s predatory habits. It’s a patriarchal culture of female subjugation, in other words. Listen to Deconversion Therapy episodes free, on demand. The Quiverfull Movement is all about letting God give you as many babies as possible to build up the Army of God. Think, the Duggars. We want to make 2 things clear at the get-go: Having a lot of kids is not bad, no matter how much we laugh at it. All big families aren’t quiverfull either. Many women have been hurt by this movement, so ... We partner with our families to help them navigate fundraising and other financial options they may qualify for. “ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them... The term “Quiverfull” comes from a reference in Psalm 127 which likens children to “arrows” in the hands of a mighty man, “blessed is the man who has his quiver full of them.” Quiverfull Believers eschew all forms of birth control in favor of “trusting the Lord” with their family planning. In the BBC article on the Quiverfull movement, it is put across in the cases mentioned that the women are generally being the leading partner in wanting to join the movement, with one case stipulating that “in common with other Quiverfull families Vicki had to wait for her husband to come round to her ideas”. Quoting Quiverfull: Defrauding Your (Future) Spouse? July 23, 2013 Suzanne Titkemeyer Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Location of This Business 9500 Ray White Rd Ste 200, Fort Worth, TX 76244-9105 Email this Business
are Cole Labrant & Ben Seewald similar?
2020.08.23 20:21 chhrihannaare Cole Labrant & Ben Seewald similar?
I know this sounds like a shitpost, especially when Ben is a fundie Calvinist & Cole is more fundie-lite, but I feel like they share a lot of similarities considering their different locations & aesthetics. 1) Ben is only a year older than Cole, with them being born in 1995 and 1996 respectively. 2) They're also older sons in large families, with Ben being the oldest of 7 & Cole being the 2nd oldest of 6. Since Cole's mother, Sheri Labrant, is atheist, I doubt Cole was raised as anything more fundie than Southern Evangelical? He's arguably more fundie-lite nowadays with his many tweets on purity culture, pro-Trump, & anti-abortion stance (LaBrantFamSnark has many examples!) 3) Can anyone believe itthat they're both fathers of 3 @ 24/25 years old? 4) Marriage rocks: Both of them are 3 years younger than Jessa & Savannah 3, and they met at relatively young ages. We all know how Ben basically stalked the Duggars when he was 17 & got married at 19, and Cole met Sav @ 19, and got married at 21 (and tweeted about losing his virginity but I try to forget that too...) 5) They have questionable naming methods for their children. I can't tell which is worse: Spurgeon Eliot, Henry Wilberforce (I think Ivy Jane is fine), Posie Rayne, or Zealand Cole. namenerds is shaking 6) This is pure conjecture, but both of them seem overwhelmed at having 3 kids? (not that I blame them) it's implied from Cole & Sav's original announcement for Z's pregnancy that Cole didn't want a 3rd child so soon, while Ben has looked more & more stressed over the last couple of years. By no means am I blaming their wives, it takes two to tango, and a vasectomy isn't that hard to get (pun not intended). I guess from what I've seen about Cole & Sav, they're not Quiverfull & it really did seem that Savannah was more excited to have more children than Cole. 7) They're both raising their children under toxic beliefs. (I know it's a moot point for all fundies, but both of them have been portrayed as the less dominant partner in their marriages before) Ben is setting his children up for failure by homeschooling them (or at least he will in the future), and even though Everleigh has been going to public or private school, Cole has espoused variants of purity culture & exploited her, Posie, and Zealand on Youtube for profit. Also, they've all been ignoring COVID-19 precautions, but that's expected when it comes to fundies. In conclusion, I feel like they're lowkey the same block of clay but in different shades? Cole is externally more annoying, but is at least earning money in some form through exploiting his children Youtube, while Ben, who i used to find the more sympathetic of the Duggar husbands, should really get a job & a vasectomy.
2020.07.23 19:19 schaeldieavocadoWho are the Andersons? or: Faithful World Baptist Church - an organised hate group (TW: Upsetting content)
I originally had about 10 pages in word for this so AMA if you wann know more. I hope all the links lead to the correct source, because my collection of data was a hot mess and sometimes I forgot to put the link down. I know it's a sub rule, so it shouldn't need to be stated again, but absolutely do not contact them on social media. For them being hated is a sign of godliness and even if you managed to show them proof that they're wrong, they'd probably believe you're just part of the worldwide shadow government that made that statistic up. Seriously, they are really into conspiracy theories. I sectioned this post into the following topics: The family - What they are known for - Their religion - Their homo- and transphobia - Their anti-Semitism and Holocaust denying - Raising the children - Gender roles - Home-schooling - Modesty/Dating/Marriage - Reproductive rights - Racism and Slavery The family Steven and Zsuzsanna Anderson have 11 Kids: Solomon (18), Isaac (17), John (15), Miriam (13), Rebecca (11), Anna (9), Stephen (7), Boaz (6), Chloe (4), Peter (2) and Eva (born September 2019). Steven and Zsu met in 1999 when Steven (then 18) was trying to convert heathens in Germany. Zsu (then 20) was not a believer, but since Steven was handsome they wrote each other for months. On July 28th in 2000 she visited Steven and was promptly converted. They married on August 13th that same year and instead of finishing her college degree (cultural anthropology/journalism/political science) she moved to the US in September. Steven is the pastor of Faithful World Baptist Church, a new independent fundamentalist Baptists (NFIB), KJV only church that is listed as an organised hate group by Southern Poverty Law Center. What they are known for Steven Anderson is banned from South Africa, the UK, Botswana, Malawi, Jamaica, The Netherlands (and thus the entire Schengen Area), Ireland, Canada, Australia and New Zealand because of his homophobic and anti-Semitic hate speech. The bush fires in Australia were God’s revenge for him being banned from Australia. In one of his sermons, Anderson publicly stated that he’s praying for Obama to die. This was supposed to happen due to brain cancer, so he wouldn’t turn into a martyr. Secret Service was worried enough to contact him. The three eldest Anderson boys (Solomon, John and Isaac) were part of a group chat that included girls as young as 13. There they shared their fantasies of choking, raping, beating and sodomizing these girls during sex. Solomon shared pictures of himself. There was talk of grooming the girls and they wanted to pay hookers with church funds to have sex with after praying for them. Anderson claims to have handled the punishment at home and banned both the families of the affected girls and church members who brought the topic up. He says it’s a private matter and the boys should be forgiven. When the Josh Duggar scandal broke, Zsu had different reactions: Paedophiles deserve the death penalty, there was no forgiveness for Josh and it should not have been kept private in order to protect other potential victims. A family that raised Josh is not allowed to pretend to be a moral upstanding Christian family, and bad parenting is the reason he turned out that way. Zsu once stated that she’d stop socialising with her children if they were gay or child molesters or mass murderers. Solomon had a courtship with a girl called Saer but I don't have a sourceBy 17 Solomon was engaged to a girl named Saer, thanks u/maggiemazz29. From what I have gathered, her parents used to be involved with the porn industry before getting saved, which was apparently the reason the relationship was broken off. However, on their blog there are still many pictures of the two of them together. Solomon seems to have been interested in Saer from when he was 14. There’s a blogpost about him liking a girl and wanting to marry her and she’s described as a good friend. Saer is called his BFF around that time. Their religion Despite the fact that they are fundies, they do divide the bible into biblical teachings and stories, the latter only record people doing things without saying they are right, so you don’t have to follow them. Earth is 6254 years old, give or take 25 years. Salvation happens through faith alone, no need to repent for sins, though it's nice if you do. They don’t believe in the prosperity gospel, but they don’t have a rainy day fund as God has them covered. The chain of command goes God -> husband -> Wife -> children. Created to be his Help Meet is a good book. They are part of the quiverful movement and believe God should decide how many children you have, even if having more kids might kill you. Evolution and the big bang theory are the same thing and are wrong, and dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time. Their homo- and transphobia Steven Anderson celebrated the Orlando nightclub shooting and expressed sadness over the fact that unlike in the past the victim’s families were not ashamed to claim their dead family members. He wants the death penalty for LGBTQAI+ and ministers that perform same-sex marriages should be stoned to death. AIDS is God’s revenge and will be cured by killing every single homosexual person. Gay people are paedophiles. IVF is used by the LGBTQAI+ community to have children to prey on. Homosexuality is Zsuientifically proven to be a choice and those “sodomites” recruit through rape and molestations in schools and day cares. Once you turned into an animal by choosing to be gay you can never be saved. Steven Anderson once held a Make America Straight Again conference and another time he told a gay reporter he hoped he’d die of brain cancer. Gay people run the US (but depending on who they hate more any given day, sometimes it’s the Jews/shadow government). Transgender people are an abomination. Their anti-Semitism and Holocaust denying Once, Steven Anderson tricked Holocaust survivors into appearing in an anti-Semitic and Holocaust-denying Film. Jews are not God’s chosen people, they are some of the most immoral people in the world. Dark forces were responsible for the founding of Israel While at one point Zsucifer acknowledged that the Nazi regime had murdered 6 million Jews, she later stated that there were no trains full of Jews brought to extermination camps and that there were no gas chambers. According to that statement, only a fraction of 6 million people died indirectly due to being mistreated during WW2, a mistreatment that was necessary and normal for war. Raising the children To Train Up A Child is unnecessarily tough is it breaks a child’s will. You are supposed to spank your child from at around age one (a guesstimate by me based on different posts). Zsu claims she dislikes spanking but is really blasé about it, casually mentioning that Isaac had a sore bum after trying to strangle John as a child. If they are out and the kids misbehave they get tallies put on their hands and spanked according to those at home. Zsu seems to feed her children a healthy amount of organic food, but the diet is quite carb heavy and their fridges and freezers are locked between meals. Sister mumming is done by both girls and boys and Solomon is Anna’s favourite parent. You should not teach your kids to share, because that teaches them to be communist. The child that has to share gets taught that stealing in form of taxes is okay, the one that gets to share will turn into a welfare recipient. Gender roles Women should not have the right to vote, to seek divorce or to work outside the home. It’s okay though for Zsu to work multiple jobs from home. In order to write a cook book, Zsu actually got a woman to move in with her and take care of the kids, but they are totally not affected by her working. A man’s work is much more important than a women’s. If your husband is abusive or threatening to kill you, you have to stay with him. It’ll teach your kids to make a better choice If the chores get too much, just have your kids do them. Once Miriam was brought on vacation with Zsu and Steven just so that she could mind the baby.In the words of Steven:
„If my wife asks me to do something like take out the trash, I tell her to have one of the kids do it. I didn’t sire nine children, so I could take out the trash or pick up after the family dog."
If your husband does something that falls into your jurisdiction you better make damn sure to thank him and don’t you dare criticise him for doing it wrong Girls should never become preachers, judges, police officers or military personnel, they should get married, have kids and be a stay at home mum. Dads and big brothers are there to protect a girls virginity, and Steven goes out on one on one dates with his daughters. Steven thinks women shouldn’t view it as their duty to have sex with their husbands but they need to help him avoid temptation by „being available to meet [their husband’s] needs“. Steven compares the relationship between husband and wife to that of employer and employee Home-schooling Day care/schools/counselling/Sunday schools are all run by paedophiles and child abusers; they are also full of drugs, alcohol and bad peers. Day care causes SIDS. You should not leave your children out of sight, but it’s okay to use church goers to look after your children and clean your house for free. For Steven, the avoidance of those institutions seems to be about control, as he can’t control what’s being said there. The bible commands you to home-school your kids. Traditional school work should be limited to 40 minutes a day and subjects the kids don’t like don’t have to be covered. There’s a three month break whenever a new baby comes along. Once your children are able to read you don’t have to actively teach them anymore College is overrated and worthless. Anything taught at college can be learned through apprenticeships and reading. If you do want to have a job that requires a degree, you should go to a private college without “diversity training” Modesty/Dating/Marriage Skirts only (PJ pants seem to be okay), shoulders may be shown. Modesty means you should blend into society. Girls have to have long hair and boys have to have short hair. Kids get to choose their own partners from a pre-approved pool. Zsu once mentioned she thinks it’s nice for girls to wear purity ring. Courting and dating are the same thing and unmarried couples should either be supervised or dating in public spaces. Their rule of thumb for what is okay before marriage is if you wouldn’t do it with someone of the own gender, don’t do it with the opposite gender. There should be no physical contact except for normal, everyday gestures. You should be in love with your partner prior to marriage. There are diseases that are not STDs, but are unheard of in virgins getting married - unfortunately Steven Anderson doesn’t name those. It’s okay to sleep with a few people if your spouse dies and you get remarried. However, sleeping with hundreds of people is wrong, because our bodies were not created to exchange bacteria with that many people. Reproductive rights A Zsucientifial Study proves that 90 % of OB/GYNs are male, 100 % of those are perverts, so 90 % of OB/GYNs are perverts. OB/GYNs only choose that career in order to prey on victims. But essential oils are the amazing. Abortion is the American Holocaust (though since the Holocaust didn’t happen according to them that leaves me a bit confused). Abortion includes IVF and birth control. IVF is perverse because you are getting impregnated by another man (a doctor). NFP is wrong because it defrauds your husband and he would have to abstain for longer than the bible allows. Condoms are unbiblical because they prevent husband and wife from becoming one flesh. Birth control is the reason for high divorce rates and leads to you choosing the wrong partner. Zsu doesn’t seem to believe in infertility, as in the bible every single woman that prayed for a child had one in the end. They openly admit to only care about unborn lives as Steven is in favour of cutting financial support for drug addicts and “whores”. He has to work for endless hours to pay “every lazy whore who lives on welfare” and “her bastard children” that obviously all have different fathers Racism and Slavery In the words of Zsucifer:
“People in Africa live like animals and sleep with everyone and everything that moves.“.
White people are not the dominant society in the US. POC are the racists. Black activists teach black people to be dependent on the government, they should just tell them that everyone has to work hard to make a living. POC should not hide behind being less privileged, believing in God would give them all the privilege they need. POC should accept that we can’t all look like God When one of Zsu’s readers told her it’s offensive to call Native Americans Indians and she should refer to them as „First People“ or „Native Americans“ she played stupid and said she didn’t recall Adam and Eve being Cherokee. Slavery is good, because the bible says so. If you have a slave, you should beat your slave. Slavery is better than sending debtors to prison. Their love for slavery might be the reason they hate Abraham Lincoln.
2020.04.19 12:52 MiserableUpstairs14 Children and Pregnant Again Recap, Part 4 - It's a fucking cult all right
We have met Jim Bob and Michelle and their family and know about their history now, with some excellent insight from commentators about the Bible Belt in general and Michelle's family in particular. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I love you guys, I love reading your comments, please continue, these recaps wouldn't be half as good without you! Now it's time to find out how Jim Bob and Michelle care for a school class-sized family financially, because a lot of kids obviously cost a lot of money. To answer that question, "let's return again to the early days. Before Jim Bob and Michelle were chasing around toddlers, they were chasing a different dream." The implication being that the two of them are now above wanting money (HA!) and that their family is more important to them. Yeah. Right. We all know that we do not live in that particular parallel universe. I mean, children are significantly cheaper if you stuff them into a tiny house, don't send them to school and dress them in hand-me-downs that had already been handed to someone else, everyone can see the logic behind that, right? According to... themselves, and the special, of course, Jim Bob and Michelle are just average, hard-working Americans, pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, working every job they can find, in a grocery store, insurance, real estate, repairing cars, before they start their own businesses, a car lot, a towing business, selling cars on consignment, a convenience store... in Michelle's words, "We worked really hard to get to where we could relax a little bit more now." Okay. Deep breaths. Deep breaths here, guys, deep breaths, or... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, MICHELLE? IS THIS A JOKE? IS THIS A FUCKING JOKE TO YOU? You are ACTIVELY ruining your daughters' childhoods, making them do the work of raising YOUR children, work that YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND should be doing, after their brother ABUSED them and you did NOTHING, in a house that is too small for them, with not enough room, not enough space, not enough privacy, not even enough fucking BATHROOMS, while YOU ARE POPPING OUT ANOTHER BABY, and you talk about RELAXING? LOOK AT THEM! DO THEY LOOK RELAXED TO YOU, MICHELLE?!? DO THEY?!? I take everything back. Michelle didn't deserve a nice proposal, I hope hers was as shitty as Anna's. Goddamn it, those people make me SICK. And to give themselves an even more convenient excuse for not changing anything, not making anything better for their children, they're also committed to being debt-free. Because buying a bigger house, so your kids are not crammed into their rooms like sardines and some of them sleeping in the living room because there's just not enough space, and then paying it off later, would mean going to hell, obviously. Instead, they "buy used, and save the difference." And Jim Bob looks awfully smug when he explains his finances, like "I'm not gonna buy it if I can't afford it!" is this whole new concept that he's invented... when he didn't even come up with this debt-free nonsense on his own. They made their "commitment" to living debt-free in 1990, and surprise, surprise, freedom of debt is a core IBLP teaching. This entire special is a fucking 40-minute IBLP ad! I just can't with these people! JB explaining his finances to us. Also, can we talk for just a sec about what a bunch of stupid, elitist, self-serving BULLSHIT this debt-free ideology is? Everyone who's ever been poor knows how fucking expensive being poor is, and how some things are worth going into debt, because long-term, they'll pay for themselves and save you money. Not having a washer and needing to go to the laundromat? Expensive. Only owning a shitty car you have to keep together with duct-tape and hope and monthly trips to the shop? Expensive. Not getting a job because you look like shit in your ill-fitting clothes? Expensive. Living in a food desert? Expensive. Not having enough cash to buy food in bulk and save the difference, or not having enough space to store that bulk-bought food? Also fucking expensive. And I could go on and on and fucking on... Jim Bob is looking down on everyone with this smug sense of superiority, while he actually is a man who's neglecting his own children to adhere to a doctrine that - as an absolute - doesn't even fucking make sense. And... well, in the words of the narrator, "owning some real estate doesn't hurt either." Yeah. It doesn't. I bet a lot of people living paycheck to paycheck would give a kidney or half a liver or so to have that. But how did you GET that real-estate, Jim Bob? How did you get your car lot? Because you either went into debt for that, or you got the money just handed by someone to start those businesses, and how is that MORE virtuous than taking a risk and then paying back the people who bankrolled you? How do you manage to delude yourself that it was all your hard work and God blessing you, when you were fucking lucky and others didn't have your chances and your opportunities, while you're living in a house you got from your church? Why are you not living in your own real estate, why are you not working a real job, why are you not giving your kids a better life? Because you're an asshole, that's why. I've said it before and I'm saying it again, these people are not victims of their circumstances, or trapped in a shitty situation. They have choices, and some of those choices are neglecting and abusing their children, then having more of them. The house. Just in case we forget how tiny it is. And Jim Bob and Michelle will have more children. When they got married, they wanted "maybe three, maybe two, or maybe four, I don't really know if we even said a number." Which is fucking stupid, and a good example for why 17- and 19-year-olds generally shouldn't, you know, get married. Because "Hey, do you want kids? How many children do you wanna have?" is one of those questions that you should probably talk about with your partner before you're shackled to them for life. Children is one of these things where compromise in a relationship isn't really possible, because if you don't want any, one is already too much, and kids are smart and know when a parent resents their very existence. Michelle says, "We had our first child four years into marriage, and at that point, we decided that we wanted to allow God to give us all the blessings he wanted to give us." And that is all the explanation the special gives on why the Duggars are having more children than they can afford. It's also very interesting, because there's no mention of a doctor, no mention of her miscarriage, no mention of their use of birth control... no mention of IBLP. In fact, it's so much of a non-explanation that it feels like Jim Bob and Michelle are completely removing themselves from any kind of responsibility for their shitty, irresponsible family planning. They do not decide to have children, they do not decide not to use contraception, their children are little blessings from God and JB and Michelle totes have nothing to do with how they get there in the first place. Like a stork is just dropping them off on their porch and, geez golly gee, what are they supposed to do except raise them now? They are just doing the Lord's work here. It's also Michelle who does all the talking about children and numbers of children and little blessings here, while Jim Bob is sitting next to her, just... watching, and I can't put my finger on why exactly it's fucking creepy, but it's fucking creepy. She looks at him for reassurance once or twice during the talking head bit, and... he just looks at her, impassively, and I have really no idea what's going on there. Does anyone else have any insight? Jim Bob watching Michelle while she talks about family planning. But why would someone who claims to follow Jesus, who, after all, famously said, "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matthew 18:6, quoted from the KJV, because even the ancient English is pretty clear here) think that having a gazillion kids and then abusing your kids is Godly? You need a lot of convoluted logic for that, but I think, perversely, it actually makes sense. I can identify three core components, first, what I'll flippantly call the Fundie Suffering Fetish: Everything is hard, my life sucks, my relationships suck, I'm suffering, but, hey, all of it totally worth it, because God wants me to suffer and wants to test me and if I am the bestest at suffering, then I'll also be the Godliest. Then we have the good old Prosperity Gospel: The more money I have, the Godlier and holier and all-around better I am, because money is a worldly sign of God's blessing. And then we have the Quiverfull belief of Children being a sign of God blessing a couple, and the more children you have, the more blessed you are. The Duggars live where the Venn diagrams of those three ideas intersect, and it's a scary place. Suffering is a good thing, pinky-promise, I swear, having a dozen children is also a good thing, and, hey, it makes me suffer when I can't keep up with all the work and am constantly stressed out and sleep-deprived while I try to provide the bare necessities to them (and inevitably fail), so I'm even Godlier, and, hey, by making my children suffer, I can also bring them closer to God, so, why don't I spend less money on them so I'll have more money left and will be even more popular with God, and then can suffer some more and be closer to God that way. Logical conclusion? Neglecting your children is TOTES what Jesus would want! Urgh. I just thew up in my mouth a little just typing that, and I'm not even religious. This is what convinces me, more than anything else, that the IBLP (which actually stands for Institute in Basic Life Principles and was founded by a creepy dude named Bill Gothard in the early 60s) really is a cult. It preys on vulnerable people want to know how the fuck they can get their lives sorted out, telling them that they have all the answers needed for a successful life, coming directly from the Bible, then encourages them to actively fuck up their lives even further, having more children than they can afford, not getting any education, the wife not working away from home, living debt-free (aka not making any major investments that could help them), destroying their whole sense of identity and replacing it with pseudo-biblical cookie-cutter stereotypes. They want to keep people miserable, at their physical and mental limit, so they don't have time to think and stay in the cult... and on the off chance that they might realize that things are fucked up, you can rely on their own denial. Because at that point, those people have abused and neglected their own children, and admitting to yourself that you've hurt those you're supposed to love and protect at all costs is fucking hard and takes a lot of courage and integrity, and courage and integrity are two things that are actively discouraged in this fucking cult. Up next: The Duggars' larder. I'm too angry to come up with an elegant transition, because fuck those people.
2020.03.04 08:16 father4futureAnyone else feel like learning they were an INFJ-A was the greatest gift in their life?
A month or so ago, I took the 16personalities.com test and learned that I'm INFJ-A and it has explained so much to me. I finally understand why I have always picked fights for causes I believed in - right from a very young age. I have always done things differently and have lived a very weird and (I think) interesting life. The insight this has helped me make sense of so many things in my life. I've always felt out of place and kinda weird. I've been criticized for the path I have taken and the causes I've taken up in my life. Look at my strange career path for example:
Author / coach (new)
Senior IT Project Manager (retail, utilities, and consulting)
Proposal Manager / Writer (RFP, SOW, etc.)
Senior Business Analyst (In utilities, retail, and consulting)
IT Manager / Network & Server Administrator / Engineer (numerous)
Founder / Volunteer for a website that helped people with their resumes
Paramedic (3 years)
Business owner (retail computer store, a consulting company, web designer, etc. - started my first business at 16 years old and finished high school early because of it)
On-site IT tech for courthouses and prisons (including max security - I once ate lunch with prison guards among all the inmates - was super cool!)
University instructor (I don't even have a degree - only a couple of IT certifications)
On the personal side:
Traumatic birth - had my head squished with foreceps (I still have dents in my skull). Had chronic bronchitis and tonsilitis because my parents smoked. Had my tonsils removed at 6 months and spent most of my childhood in and out of hospitals until my parents stopped smoking in the house and car.
Hid under the porch with my dog at 6 or 7 years old in protest of my maternal grandma's abuse and forced a neighbourhood search that resulted in the end of my grandma babysitting - used to have sword fights with grandma when she came at me with the fly swatter or wooden spoon (which was often). I made the best of it.
Organized a school march (used the school photocopier to print massive amounts of propaganda - LOL) in 5th grade to protest the school taking away the snow hill my friends and I had worked hard to build and gave it to the younger grades for most of the week.
Had a narcissistic / borderline personality disorder (NPD/BPD) mom with a panic disorder - spent most of my tween and teen years talking her down from a ledge into the wee hours of the nights while my absentee father stayed away as a traveling salesman to avoid her
Spoke out publicly (multiple news interviews) about the state of the ambulance system I worked for (I can share links via PM to prove it if requested)
Married a NPD/BPD at 21 after knowing her just 6 months. Learned she had bulimia as the marriage progressed (still does). Multiple separations. She held me hostage with emotional abuse and manipulation (master gaslighter and projection artist) and used my five kids (yes five) as leverage. She joined a weird sub-sect of Christianity called the "Quiverfull" movement (also called the patriarchal movement. Think the Duggar family from TLC if you remember them.
Final separation in 2013 resulted in my ex and her sadistic father trying (nearly successfully) to cut me off from my kids and destroy me personally and professionally (turned my mom and sister against me - I still don't have mom in my life, but my sister and I have reunited and moved on together). Battled her in court from 2013 to 2017 (self-representing most of the time and writing 90% of the hundreds of pages of affidavits and supporting documentation, became an expert in parental alienation, went through an extremely costly and unbelievably crappy psychological evaluation (she assessed me, my current partner, my kids, me and my partner with my kids and then the same with my ex). Won the battle and majority parenting time and final say on all key decisions related to my children.
Repartnered in 2014 with an amazing woman whom I love more than anything. Turns out she has a very behaviourally challenged son that may be on the spectrum (we're on a waiting list to have him fully diagnosed, but all signs are pointing that way). His dad isn't really in the picture much these days, so the fathering has fallen upon me. It was a rocky start, but we've come a long way and I love him like my own.
Have little to no local family support in raising 6 kids (5 of my own and my step son) - Dad is now still absentee as a missionary in Africa and mom is on the no-fly list.
I could go on and on (hence the book I'm writing currently). The long and the short of it is that I have faced and overcome a lot of trauma and adversity. I've also done some pretty (I think) incredible things that I am proud of. I've not come through entirely unscathed (I had a recent mental health crisis to prove that). However, I have successfully forgiven the wrongdoers of my past; I've established healthy boundaries to protect myself; I've become a pretty (again, I think) excellent father; I have collected some extremely interesting stories worth sharing; I've made amazing friends, and I wouldn't trade any of the above for the world. Anyway, I started a new account today (hence no post history) because I wanted a fresh start on Reddit. I have an account with loads of karma and all of that and have been on Reddit for a very long time. However, it also has a lot of crap I want to walk away from (too much time on worldnews and politics for example - both of those places can be highly toxic and I've fallen into the trap of trying to battle the endless swarms of trolls). I want my Reddit feed to be filled with positivity and I want to meet more INFJ-A's out there and hear swap interesting stories because I bet many of you have walked some wild paths. Hit me up and let's chat some more! I'm so glad to be a part of this community and I'm proud and honoured to be called an INFJ-A. Cheers. EDIT: Wasn't expecting to be downvoted. This isn't a self-promotion. I had my "awakening" if you will about a month ago and I was just excited to connect with other INFJ-A's and share stories.
2019.12.31 03:32 rhymes_are_crimesI finally have a place to rant about my homeschooling experience
I'm 28. Male. Only child. Homeschooled in a religious household from early grade-school to the end of high-school. Oh, and I'm gay. I had a few friends I met early on in kindergarten, one of whom is close to me and I still consider my best friend. There are parents who homeschooled because their kids were terribly bullied or advanced, and I feel for that. Then there are the religious and maladjusted parents who homeschool for their own motives. It started out because I was reading by Kindergarten and pestering teachers about square roots in 1st Grade. Then my parents found themselves in the world of fundamentalist Southern Baptist quiverfull wackos (in a Yankee state), and they fell in love with it. The other homeschooled folks tried to have the perfect little families where they all would sing hymns all day together dance around like the von Trapps. It was super-weird to me even at that age, but they were my social outlet now. Pokemon was a tepid "ok" in my house, Harry Potter was outright witchcraft, resulting in a shouting-match at age 8 with another homeschooler whether Pokemon was evil or not. The religion became more intense, middle-school at the local Lutheran school was a no-go because the asst. principal was... wait for it, a WOMAN who should be at home with her babies instead. Cue the Creation Museum fieldtrips. My more sensible Dad is still largely AWOL as the breadwinner. Puberty hit, with what was probably bipolar and a distinct disinterest in women. I'll admit the homeschooled guys were cute, but fuck me, that's a sin and I completely repressed that part of me. Cue the self-loathing and emotional abuse of "everything bad that happens to you is your own fault". The bipolar? "Probably drugs!" (Who the fuck would I be getting drugs from?) my parents think as they ransacked my room and find my diary filled with these thoughts. Oh good, remind me never to trust them with anything ever again. Check. Self-loathing blossoms into self-harm, perfectionism and suicidality. I "graduate" high-school at 16 and start college classes. My god, this was amazing. Being around secular, normal-ish, folks older and more mature than me with circles of normal-ish friends. There was a concerted effort and desperation not to appear as one of the stereotypical "awkward homeschooled kids" around them and do my best to put up a extroverted fascade. Depression holds back slightly. I begrudgingly go to prom with a girl from the local high-school simply because I wanted the experience. Parents don't trust the "public school kids" and chase them out of my birthday party because the one homeschooled horse girl (my parents desperately wanted to date) complained about them. Oh, and I can drive! Actually, I want a boyfriend instead. I have no self-esteem, and am sexually assaulted at 18 and have no family to trust to confide this in. Continue dating said person because I'm desperate for that kind of attachment after being repressed for so long. One of my dreams was getting out ASAP and going to a big liberal city. Then I went and did the STEM thing at a four-year school, was brainwashed into learning about EVILultion. I maybe could have gone somewhere better, but one again, no self-esteem. Unfortunately, I also never developed any study skills or refined by executive functioning, so I end up with about a 3.1 GPA and graduate at 21. Life is much much better now, I have a middle-class job, I draw furry porn on the side for beer money, occasionally I do psychedelics, I can kind of hold down relationships and have been with the same person for six years now. Since college and being assaulted, I've always just used sex to bond with other gay guys because I absolutely fucking suck at having any sort of an emotional intelligence. My partner didn't necessarily take harder classes or get better grades than me in college, but he has SOCIAL SKILLS. He can read people's affect and it's like magic to me, simply through that power alone he has a job that pays over x2 mine. I've become better over time, but there's an upper bound to what I can accomplish, being emotionally vulnerable is a no-go with almost everyone. I've also learned to love myself, and by extension, other people too. I live in a different part of the country and haven't called my parents of my own volition in several years. Dad is kind of apologetic I think, mom is still in denial over the whole gay thing and as batshit insane as ever, going full conspira-Boomer. If they cut me out of their will, then so be it. I can never tell them of the hours I spent staring at the ceiling, or trying to come up with a list of friends and writing down a small handful of names of kids my age. I counted the days before I could move out since "If you're under our roof then it's our rules." Sure, I'm independent now, I'm no longer under your roof and fuck you. They never physically abused me beyond using a wooden spoon on me a few times. They provided food, healthcare etc. to me, and in return if they needed a loan or a ride to the hospital I would give it to them. They wanted to do their best, but I was trapped with them and had few outlets aside from tutoring groups with other "nice Christian boys and girls" with martial arts and Boy Scouts later. If they want me to be emotionally vulnerable toward them? Under no circumstances would that happen. Sometimes I wonder how much of this is because I was homeschooled by a crazy woman who always wanted to "be a mother" (as opposed to "raising a child") and how much of it is simply genetics that I would have had no power to stop anyway. The loneliness, repression, and complete absence of study skills have markedly decreased my quality of life for sure. Once again, I think there's a time and a place for homeschooling for kids who are being bullied or whose parents need a specialized environment for their needs. If they're doing it to protect their kids from the evil, ungodly world or satisfy some obsessive parental urge, it's outright child abuse. I have other friends who were raised in similar circumstances, some went on to be the same perfect little, nuclear, wholesome, white-picket fence parents that they were raised as where dad goes off as a software dev and mom starts the cycle anew. Some completely imploded and are even more clueless about the world than I am. Here I am trapped between those fates. Anyway, it's good to get this off my chest. Everything before age 19 is a closed book for anyone I talk to, I don't know how to be frank with this material around other people, it's cathartic just to write it down.
2019.02.05 23:48 arsenic_skittlesMy adoptive dad came out as racist against black people. I’m mixed. Unsure how to feel about it. Support/ advice please.
Me: 22F. My dad is 73. Well, as the title says. For a little background both my parents are narcissistic and quite religious with some quiverfull leanings. I don’t live with them and never will again but I’m still in the works of fully extricating myself/I’m not ready. I was physically treated like the golden child but I got the brunt of my parents religious/mental abuse/ideals. My dad and I were having a political/religious argument about some of the big things happening in my county currently ruled by the walking spray tan. I decided in some lapse of sanity to tell my dad about this guy I had met that was very weirdly pro black poweracist (the guy was black) and how the guy was very invalidating to me as an individual due to my light skin, my speech, and my upbringing. The conversation somehow veers to black and white couples (something I am the product of) and he comes out and flat out says that he neither likes nor supports such couples. He went on to admit that he would only really like any of my partners if they were mixed like me. I’m just a little speechless I guess. My parents were always good at showing me how to have self hatred for myself for intangible reasons that constantly changes with their whims. This is the first time I’ve heard a concrete and unchangeable reason for their dislike and its just so... old fashioned and pointless. I plan to move away eventually and cut all ties but my brother (who I actually like) has terminal brain cancer so I’m not leaving until he’s gone.
2018.08.14 21:28 baby--bunnyCriticisms of The Handmaid's Tale, as a conservative Christian woman. [Season 2 spoilers]
I'm sure this post will get a lot of hate. I do love this show. I find it incredibly interesting and emotional. However, after an episode ends and I stop feeling all the feels about "What if I had a babyyyyy and they took it away!?!?!?" I find it difficult to continue to suspend my disbelief and not look at what is happening in Gillead critically. First of all, it bothers me that we know next to nothing about Gillead, and that the rules of their society seem incredibly inconsistent. I am on episode 9 of season 2, so pretty far into the show. I suppose that we only know what June knows, as its shown from her perspective, but that isn't entirely true. We see other people's stories as well. I want to know how this crazy world came to be. All I know is that some radical religious group overthrew the American government. How? How on Earth could that happen in a country with such a strong military, and so many rules in place to prevent something like this from ever happening. I also wish that I understood the society a bit more. Its my understanding that fertile sinners become Handmaidens. Do all the fertile, sinful men get hung? Is there literally no place for men, outside of "Commander, Economan, or Nick the Driver"? Which also makes me think that the punishments seem entirely random. For a society that seems so... structured in every little detail. The way the funeral is weirdly choreographed. The way everyone has to recite the same weird pleasantries. And then... "Oh someone did something sinful. Should we hang them? Send them to the colonies? Stone them? Make them a prostitute? Meh let's just pick one that's convenient to the plot?" Another thing- what is sinful in their eyes? What about unmarried couples, who had children? Did they get married and become econo-people? (I believe that's what they're called.) How do they decide who becomes an Aunt? Or a Martha? Again, it just all seems like the world is unimportant, but that's something super important to me as the viewer. Another huge criticism of mine, is that any type of criticism about how unlikely this seems; how it seems inconsistent; or how it simply doesn't make much sense, is met with "Well it's completely possible, especially with Trump grabbing pussies!!!!" Sure, I suppose anything is possible. But that doesn't make it likely. Honestly, I find the premise insulting. There's been so many articles about the show, and many people imply that "Look out conservative women, this is your future." Why do people assume that Gillead is conservative Republicans? Any Republican I know (I realize this is anecdotal) would be appalled at the concept. The Constitution, the right to bear arms, free speech, personal freedoms in general. None of these are things that any conservative wants stripped away. In fact, these are things that conservatives fight to keep and protect. Gillead is not a society based on extreme conservative ideals, it is a society based on extreme religious ideals. So, as a religious woman, I wonder... what on Earth religion are they? I know people like to say "Oh they are just power-hungry psychopaths," but I do think Serena and Fred truly believe that what they are doing is for the greater good of humanity, that it is God's way. What God though? What Bible are they reading? It certainly isn't any major religion that has any popularity in America today. Anybody who is remotely familiar with major sects of Christianity, know that you should strive to be Christ-like, which the people of Gillead are clearly not. I suppose we have to assume that given the fertility crisis, some strange cult-like sect of Christianity gained popularity. I do find this really difficult to believe would happen. For the same reason I would find it impossible to believe that the Green party would someday become a predominant political party. People are set in their beliefs in our society. The entirety of a country (or enough of it to overthrow a government) doesn't just up and change their beliefs. But let's assume they did. Perhaps they drew a great deal of inspiration from the Quiverfull movement. (The movement associated with the Duggars, the movement that essentially says "Be fruitful and multiply- like in Gillead.) Even in extreme Christian sects in America, even if women are controlled and not given many freedoms, they are not discarded and treated like trash. If anyone is familiar with the disgusting book that the Duggars promote and follow, (essentially based on literally "Spare the rod and spoil the child), the couple who wrote that book also wrote another series of books for married couples. "Created to Be His Help Meet" for wives, I can presume its about submitting to your husband (as Wives submit in Gillead). They also created a complementary book for husbands- "Created to Need a Help Meet." I was curious- does it talk about ignoring your wife, and telling her to shut up and go garden? Here is an excerpt:
I could ask, “What is your marriage doing for you?” But the more pertinent question is, “What is your marriage doing for your wife?” Is she being perfected or rejected? Are you causing her to aspire to greater things or expire in fatigue? Is she climbing or declining? Loving or loathing? Does she serve you with joy or with a sense of duty? Does she know she is your treasure or does she feel used and abused? Your job as her husband is to cleanse her, not offend her with words of criticism. If you fail to perfect your wife, you not only fail her, you fail God; you fail the entire human process. You fail the Kingdom of God. Since God chose marriage to illustrate his ministry to the church, to fail in marriage is to defame the ministry of Christ. To fail to sanctify your wife is an opportunity lost for eternity.
There is also a condescending bit about always asking for your wife's input, and pretending to care about it. So not great advice... but it is very in line with the literal words in the Old Testament, as their other teachings on pregnancy and marriage are (and Gillead's are as well). Another thing that irks me too is that in season 1 they keep quoting looking to Rachel as a wonderful source of inspiration. "Hey remember in the Bible when she said 'Give me children or I will die???? That was a wonderful, Christian thing to say to her husband. She was definitely not idolizing motherhood. She was totally accepting God's will." Did they conveniently forget what happens to Rachel when she defies God's plans for her? Rachel is not someone to emulate. The frequently say in Gillead "It's God's will," and don't intervene with the dying baby because "God's will," and I completely disagree with this, but its something many Christians believe- don't intervene with medical processes, because of "God's will." So let's take a look at Quiverfull's view of infertility.
Adherents view barrenness, referred to as an "empty quiver", as something to be accepted from God as His choice, which then becomes a matter of prayer in the hope that God may decide to miraculously intervene. Quiverfull also sees infertility treatments as a usurpation of God's providence and accordingly reject them.
This is literally any Christian view on infertility. Either your religion permits IVF, or it says "put your faith in God and accept his plan." I have not heard of a single sect of Christianity that permits cheating on your wife, outside of sects that permit polygamy (which Gillead does not.) Do extreme Christian groups exist in America that strip women of their freedoms? Absolutely, and that's terrible. They aren't rising to power. Having a Republican president that is disgusting and perverted is comparing apples and oranges. There's absolutely some overlap with Republican and Christians. But I feel like people just lump them all into one group, and its insulting. Its insulting that people compare abortion laws to "Literally living in a world where we can't read and public stonings are totally normal." Most of all, its insulting to hear time and again "Conservative women need to learn from this show and change their views." I don't feel controlled or oppressed by my partner. I don't feel controlled by my government, or my religion. I feel controlled and oppressed by people in society that tell me if I don't think what they think, if I speak out and say I believe differently, then I am an unwoman.
2017.12.11 23:37 l00zrrBecoming judgmental once more
One of the things that I did as a Christian when I was most zealous was judge non-Christians negatively. Tattoos? Sinner. Kissing before marriage? Sinner! Using birth control? Sinner. Listening to non-Christian music? Sinner. Watching non-Christian media? Sinner. Saying a cuss word? Sinner. White lie? Sinner. Not honoring your parents? Sinner. Wife not submitting to husband? Sinner. Basically being human made you a sinner in my book and therefore worthy of eternal hellfire and brimstone. I remember telling my non-Christian best friend in high school that she was going to hell. Just, bluntly, like that. Deconversion freed me from judginess. As long we you were kind and wanted the best for yourself and loved ones, and generally ethical/polite to others then meh, you were a good person in my book. Didn't matter anymore if one cursed, or had sex with multiple partners, or were tattooed. It was so freeing to be able to love people. But I've recently noticed me becoming judgmental once again, but this time towards Christians. Christians who say they are Christians and yet watch media that isn't Christian (Game of Thrones, Stranger Things, etc), attend concerts of non-Christian performers, occasionally cuss, drink, etc. Why am I so judgmental? Because when I was a Christian I didn't do any of those things in order to be a light to the world, to not be of this world. And I hate that I am being judgmental because it seems like my old self coming back once more and I also do not want people to be so miserable about life like I was. I'm jealous that they've found this happy place between religion and freedom when I did not. It hurts even more when someone says I wasn't a "true Christian" and then they turn around and look no different than my secular-lifestyle. I was raised super fundie (apostoslic-pentecostal-quiverfull craziness) and I tried so hard to be committed, to be different, to be super duper amazing Christian person and everyone else is like meh, church on Christmas and Easter, prayers when life gets hard, and then its business as usual every time else. I kinda wish I was still a believer. It would be easier. But instead I'm on the outside twice - once with my upbringing, second with my deconversion. Why couldn't I have been destined for a happy medium? Why do these terrible people (not all of them I know) label themselves as Christian and think they are better than me? I feel bitterness. It's not fair.
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